Jump to content
Community Blogs
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
  • entries
    13
  • comments
    0
  • views
    565

About this blog

These are my private and personal notes. I sometimes write in swedish.

Entries in this blog

Today is one of those dark days...

Today is one of those days when darkness is creeping up in your heart and you just want to curl up in a dark corner and be left alone. They are fewer and the time between are longer these days, but they never go away. They are symptoms of a life that is not in balance so I need to deal with that underlying issue. Having a bad day does not really describe what happen when you run low on energy, it's far deeper than that. It's a feeling of being so burdened down and so tired in your very soul that even the slightest "must" feel unbearable. Like it will crush you and push you deeper down into the darkness that you may never come up again. Fortunately this is not my first rodeo with the empty void inside so I know what needs to be done to break through it. I also know that this is not a sign of mental illness or that something is wrong with me. I have just been a bit careless with my energy levels lately. I work very hard with 12 hour days if i count my travel times. Most of that time is spent in meetings with people I do not know discussing complicated issues that must happen on many levels at the same time. This of course cost a lot of energy as it is all on the extrovert side of things with little time for reflection on the introvert side. With so long hours sleep tend to be a bit scarce and water intake is not exactly well maintained. This leads to a poor immune system and once you get sick it leads to stress as you fall behind in your work. Having social obligations during the weekends also reduce the time available for self reflection and mental rest and so eventually the mind will force you to slow down. This is when one of the dark days happen... So today I will spend most of my time in a dark bedroom resting. I'll watch some tv series and I'll do some "brooding" as I call it. It's when I sleep without falling asleep and let my mind wander. Usually my mind can not focus on anything so it jumps all over the place. It is when I feel I can focus again that I know I am getting my energy levels back. This is just the band aid for the current symptom so I need to look at the solution for the long term. If I don't then this dark day will soon be followed by another one until it turn into a full blown depression. So I need to create space for me to have more time to reflect internally so I can regulate the energy spent vs energy gained. Being in meetings and wrestle with really complex issues is generating great energy, but only to a certain point. Once I go past that point it start to eat energy instead so I need to regulate that point so it becomes the right mix of introvert and extrovert activities. I have already started that, so I just need to adjust it a bit. Sleep and water must be better regulated, because I am not taking care of myself in those areas at the moment. I'll put back my water apps and start measuring my sleep cycles again so i can ensure good quality sleep. I'll also need to make space outside of work for reflection, so I'll go back to exercise again since it's good on all levels. On the food side I'll start using my LifeSum app again since I forgot to cancel it and have another year already paid for it. It's not so much to keep track of calories as it is to regulate things I eat. It's a pain to log things so I'll keep it to a minimum which is good for the calorie intake. So today is a dark day, but tomorrow will be great day.

JimiWikman

JimiWikman

Solstice of Heroes is just amazing!

Solstice of Heroes is here and with it we have a ton of fun ways to spend our time! The aim, should you wish to attempt it, is to slowly upgrade your armor to 400 through a series of activities that pretty much span over most of the activities in Destiny 2. One of the things I miss in destiny 2 is that once you have done the weekly milestones you are pretty much left with nothing to do. Sure you can grind for items, but at this point i am not sure there are any items I actually want to hunt for. The Solstice of Heroes provides a lot of activities that you can do as you see fit for the next month or so, which is really nice. I just completed the armor on my Titan and with the exception of the Crucible parts (because I suck in PVP) it was a great experience. It's now time to complete the first upgrade for my warlock and hunter as well. I will start with my warlock because I feel it's easier to get the Crucible power kills with my Warlock in case I want to try that before next weeks Mayhem event. The aim is to have all the Scorched upgrade tasks completed except for the Crucible power kills by next week. This way I can complete the crucible part during next weeks Mayhem, which should make it easy to get the 30 power kills (compared to now). All other aspects of the upgrades should be easy enough to do solo except perhaps for the Redux missions and the Nightfall that I'll do with my clan mates for easy completion.   Here is what each class will need to do to upgrade their Scorched (240 power) set to Rekindled (340 power). Hunter Head - Spark Redux mission, 90 solar orbs in the EDZ, 10 kills in the Crucible Arms - Homecoming Redux mission, 150 arc orbs, complete a meditation with Ikora Chest - Chosen Redux mission, 90 arc orbs in strikes, complete 10 Heroic public events Legs - 1AU Redux mission, 150 void orbs, defeat 50 mini-bosses Cloak - Payback Redux mission, get 30 kills with your Super in the Crucible, complete 10 patrols Titan Head - Spark Redux mission, 150 arc orbs, 10 kills in the Crucible Arms - Homecoming Redux mission, 90 solar orbs in strikes, complete a meditation with Ikora Chest - Chosen Redux mission, 90 void orbs in the EDZ, complete 10 Heroic public events Legs - 1AU Redux mission, get 30 kills with your Super in the Crucible, defeat 50 mini-bosses Mark - Payback Redux mission, 150 void orbs, complete 10 patrols Warlock Head - Spark Redux mission, 30 kills with your Super in the Crucible, 10 Crucible kills Arms - Homecoming Redux mission, 90 arc orbs in strikes, complete a meditation with Ikora Chest - Chosen Redux mission, 150 solar orbs, complete 10 Heroic public events Legs - 1AU Redux mission, 90 void orbs in the EDZ, defeat 50 mini-bosses Bond - Payback Redux mission, 150 void orbs, complete 10 patrols Once your armor has been upgraded to Rekindled, you’ll need to complete another set of objectives to further increase its power. Here is what each class needs to do to upgrade their Rekindled (340 power) set to Resplendent (400 power). Hunter Head - Chosen Redux mission, 160 void energy weapon kills, complete the Nightfall Arms - Payback Redux mission, 120 void grenade kills, complete three Heroic strikes Chest - 1AU Redux mission, 80 solar power weapon kills, win five non-private Crucible matches Legs - Spark Redux mission, 60 solar melee kills, complete 10 adventures Cloak - Homecoming Redux mission, 200 arc super kills, complete 20 challenges Titan Head - Chosen Redux mission, 200 solar super kills, complete the Nightfall Arms - Payback Redux mission, 160 solar energy weapon kills, complete three heroic strikes Chest - 1AU Redux mission, 120 arc grenade kills, win five non-private Crucible matches Legs - Spark Redux mission, 60 void melee kills, complete 10 adventures Mark - Homecoming Redux mission, 80 arc power weapon kills, get 500 kills Warlock Head - Chosen Redux mission, 160 void energy weapon kills, complete the Nightfall Arms - Payback Redux mission, 60 arc melee kills, complete three heroic strikes Chest - 1AU Redux mission, 120 solar grenade kills, win five non-private Crucible matches Legs - Spark Redux mission, 200 arc super kills, complete 10 adventures Bond - Homecoming Redux mission, 80 solar power weapon kills, get 500 kills Once the armor has been upgraded to Resplendent, it will be at 400 power. However, there is one more upgrade for players to earn. Here is what each class needs to do to upgrade their Resplendent (400 power) set to a Masterwork Resplendent set (400 power). Hunter Head - Complete the Prestige Nightfall within the point threshold, which is noted on each strike emblem Arms - Complete five heroic strikes in a group with at least one clanmate Chest - Complete the Prestige Leviathan raid Legs - Reach the Valor rank of Legend in the Crucible Cloak - Defeat 10 bosses Titan Head - Complete the Prestige Nightfall within the point threshold, which is noted on each strike emblem Arms - Complete five heroic strikes in a group with at least one clanmate Chest - Complete the Prestige Leviathan raid Legs - Reach the Valor rank of Legend in the Crucible Mark - Defeat 10 bosses Warlock Head - Complete the Prestige Nightfall within the point threshold, which is noted on each strike emblem Arms - Complete five heroic strikes in a group with at least one clanmate Chest - Complete the Prestige Leviathan raid Legs - Reach the Valor rank of Legend in the Crucible Bond - Defeat 10 bosses Once you’ve unlocked one of the armor sets, there will be an ornament slot that will allow you to go back to the Scorched or Rekindled appearances.   So far I feel that this is one of the best events so far. It's diverse, does not include the Raid, it span over several weeks and it can be done completely solo (even if it's a bit hard). The rewards are great as well with armor glows, exotic vehicles,  weapon ornaments and so on. Good job on this one Bungie!

JimiWikman

JimiWikman

Destiny 2 is getting fun - yes I paid someone to do the Raid

Destiny 2 have been pushing out news about their upcoming expansion The Forsaken, but it is not what have had me excited about the game again. It was when I paid someone to do the Raid for me. Paying someone to play for you might seem stupid, but for me the wall between me and the content in the Raid has been nagging me since I started to play Destiny 2. I am all for premium content being hard to get, but the idea to lock it behind an activity only possible for an organized team with plenty of time of their hands suck. I am a solo player and I find that kind of locked content offensive to be honest. So for me to spend money on having someone play the Raid so I can access the loot (which is pretty nice, but not really necessary) took me over that blockage I have had since day one. Somehow it also made me feel good that I could help someone getting started with this kind of service since I used a rather new seller instead of one of the established ones. As a result I had a really great communication and the seller went above and beyond to give great service. It's an amazing feeling to be in a position where you can do that and it's just so satisfying to see their business take off once they get their initial reviews. Not only did I get passed the block that the Raid posed, I have slowly getting over my feelings of discomfort about using Discord with strangers. I had some great play time this weekend and i am slowly making friends to play with, which feels great. I accidentally stumbled into an Escalation protocol last night and actually completed it even if the group was completely disorganized and I think I was the only one actually using supers. It was a bit disappointed though that I did not have a key once the chest actually dropped, but the fact that I can do the Escalation Protocol and hold my own felt pretty good. I will do more of that. Thanks to this I actually did all milestones with all 3 characters last week and I even managed to complete almost all quests for all Exotics. I still need to do some Raid related stuff for Legend of Acrius that I will pay to get done this week. This means that I feel good about the game again and I have just a few things I still want to get from the Raid and that is Midnight Coup and Sins of the Past. I am in no hurry to get those however and I am pretty confident that I will sooner or later do a Raid or two myself. Out of curiosity if nothing else. I also have Trials of The Nine on my list even if I am not much of a PVP person. I was a bit surprised over my stats for PVP actually considering I play solo and that comes with all kinds of pain, especially if you like me have the misfortune to run into cheaters using ISP package hacks. Still I managed to get a 42% winning stat which I can assure you is not the feeling I have most games. Imagine having a proper team to play with that can organize their game?! I am now waiting for the Solstice of Heroes event to kick off tonight and then it's the Iron Banner on the 14th that I will push a bit in to get some of the missing ornaments. It will be fun to have something to focus time on in game now that I am nearing the cap for my power level. It will be quite the grind, but we have 4 weeks so it should not be a problem I think. If you ever want to join me for a game, just post a comment here with your Battle.net tag and I will gladly join you for a game or two 🙂

JimiWikman

JimiWikman

Warframe Fortuna - we all lift together

Warframe, the free to play game that just keep putting all other games to shame when it comes to content creation and communicating with their community, announced a new city to play around in called Fortuna. The presentation comes with an amazing song that just hit me right in the heart! Do you like it?
 

JimiWikman

JimiWikman

Playing Destiny 2 online is a bit scary

Playing Destiny 2 is fun, but being a solo player means you are pretty much screwed out of most of the end game activities such as Raid and Escalation Protocol. The solution is to join a clan, but that require you to connect with people that you do not know over Discord. That is a bit scary. As a person I like meeting new people in person, but I hate talking to them on the phone. That is because I pick up so much in the communication non verbally so I feel a bit awkward just using voice communication. In my gaming I do not play that much. In fact I spend roughly 10-12 hours a day with work, if I include the travel time. That leaves very little time to play games, especially a game like Destiny where you pretty much need to be organized if you want to get anywhere with end game activities. So in order to actually do Nightfall and Trials I joined a clan. Well, technically it's my second clan since the first one kind of died out. Joining a clan is just the first step however and you need to join in on one of the chat rooms to co-ordinate things. In my clan we use Discord for this, which is a great way to communicate. But a bit scary. You pretty much randomly call someone and you have no idea who might be on the other end. This is a bit scary, but scary does not always have to be bad. Sometime scary is actually quite fun as you get to push your own limits a bit. So far my experiences have been great, but there is a lot to learn about the online social interaction that is quite different from analog social interactions.

Things are a bit weird right now

Life lately have been a bit weird. On one hand I am having a blast at my assignment at H&M and on the other I have this feeling of being unfulfilled. I can not really put my finger on it, but there is something inside that is just so very tired right now. Trying to make sense of this duality is usually a futile exercise since I am very much a duality person. I am extrovert and introvert, Intellectual and creative and so on. My very personality is a continuous conflict and cooperation between my dual natures. Still I am a bit concern about this lack of energy that has caused me to pretty much removed all social activities an engagements outside of work. Still I have this feeling of being drained of energy. Most likely it is because I am frustrated over time in general (late 40 year crisis perhaps?), but I also feel unfocused. Feeling unfocused is common for me and it happens every 3-6 months or so when my mind try to shift in one direction or the other. For a week or so I will be restless and not able to focus on an interest until my mind has shifted over. This time however it has been a little more than that and I struggle a bit to get past it. It's also typical that the universe try to counter my attempts to become a social hermit. So far I have 3 internal requests to educate and hold presentations on how to promote yourself online. I also have several requests to become more involved with Atlassian coming from the Atlassian team. I even got an invite to Barcelona this fall for the Atlassian European Summit. On one hand I am pretty much at the best moment in my life doing what I love most. On the other hand I am at a pretty low point feeling strangely lost and tired. It's a very strange feeling and I will have to figure out a way to break it. I'll start by taking a long vacation and really rest to see if that will help. I am guessing it will, but in case it does not then I'll figure something else out and go from there. Life is a strange thing and sometimes you just need to stop for a moment and see where you are going and why.

Building a documentation space

Building a documentation space with SharePoint. Through Teams. No, I am not joking. I am actually doing this and it's not even a painful experience, quite the opposite! Teams from Microsoft is starting to popup in many organizations now and with it comes all of the other fun parts of Office 365. Including the creation of sites in SharePoint for each team you create in teams. Using Sharepoint for me has been pretty much a pain in the behind and I have hated SharePoint for many, many years. Not because it's a bad service, not at all. It's because people never use it right and I spend more time requesting access and finding out who owns what document than actually working with the damn documents. With Jira I want a common place to document the daily work processes, the technical setups and of course how to work with the system. I also want to keep people informed about what goes on in the world of Jira as well as bringing in the Yammer and teams discussions in one place. As it turns out this is very easy to do with Office 365 and it takes literally no time at all to do it. What I did was I created a new Teams. This automatically created a SharePoint site with a basic template. I then connected Yammer to Teams with a few clicks to bring in the Yammer conversations into my teams channel of choice. I also added a Yammer component to the SharePoint startpage. This not only bring in the lastest conversations, it also give me a posy function to yammer directly from my Sharepoint site. I rearranged the startpage a bit and added some components and posted some news and now I have a complete site in SharePoint that is completely integrated with Teams. Just to make it a bit easier to find I added the site also as a tab in Teams, so now I can just manage all of my activities through teams. SharePoint sites are pretty nice and since you already have connections throughout your office 365 experience it's actually super easy to setup an information hub that everyone in your team can access and work with. I am impressed Microsoft, very impressed.

Wanting to be alone is not a bad trait at all

A lot of people likes to be alone. Not because they do not like other people and not because they are weird or creepy, but because they have a need to spend time reflecting and regain their inner energy. We call these people introverts and as I am one of the people that share this trait I often see other introverts struggle with their need to be alone as it is not socially accepted. I am one of the people with a dual disposition where I am equally extrovert as I am introvert. My extrovert side allow me to be what some people refer to as a social and likable person. I am funny and find it easy to make others laugh and feel comfortable around me. I am also the person many people stop on the street when they need to ask for directions and things like that. The other side of me is the introvert part where I have a need to reflect and think without distractions. I am very comfortable being on my own and I very rarely feel lonely even when I am away from my family. It's not that I do not miss my family, it's just that being away from them do not make me feel lonely. Time on my own is very important for my well being as well because as much as I love to interact with other people I do tend to spend a lot of energy doing so. Even if I do get energy from that interaction it also drain me of energy very slowly and sooner or later I need time to recover. I do this by going inside myself and close myself off from others. In parties I am often one of the first that leave. Not because I do not like the people or the party, but because I get overwhelmed and because I spend so much energy that my energy levels drain faster than usual. In my youth I struggled with this because I thought I was weird and strange. In our society we do not see the need to be alone as something that is socially acceptable but something odd and weird. Today I am very comfortable with this and I am open with the fact that I will not be as social as others might think or want because I have a need to be alone to recover my energy levels. I had a period 20 years ago where I burned myself out completely and for a year I could barely function as a human being. I am well aware of the cost to ignore the signs my body will give me when my energy levels are getting low and there is not a single person in this universe that will be able to shame me to be social because of this. I do not care if someone think I am boring or unsocial because they can never understand what it means to need time alone. Not everyone feel that they have the strength to do that however because they feel the social pressure from people around them. This is one of the causes many young people to harm themselves or even take their own lives. When I found this video it really resonated with me because being a persone that need alone time is not a bad thing. We are not weirdos or creeps, we are quite amazing in our own way and we should never have to hide who we are because we live in a society where the social norms are written by the extroverts. So if you also like time alone and if you feel that social pressure to deny yourself that time to reflect and regain your energy levels, then watch this movie. You are an amazing person and regardless of what people around you think or say you are not the only person in the world who feel this way. There are many of us and it is perfectly ok and normal if you want time for yourself. Never let anyone convince you that you are anything but awesome just because you sometimes prefer to be alone. You are perfect just the way you are.

JimiWikman

JimiWikman

A long week with lots of interresting things happening

Another long week is over and it has been filled with meetings and exciting conversations. It has also been a week where I have been very tired so I have purposely skipped a few things just to keep from spending to much energy so I can recover. There are som any exciting things happening at work and this week we really stepped things up a notch or two. Two new systems will be installed and some plugins will be added and tested while I also participate in several studies where we test new ways of working for different purposes. It's amazing and I am more busy than I have been in a while, but in the best of ways. It looks like my assignment will be extended, which would be great since there are so many opportunities to make a difference and I am working with such amazing people. My colleagues from India are really impressing me and yesterday they showed me some of the areas around where they live on Google maps and its was some of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. This week i have been very tired and not just after having been sick for a couple weeks, but also because it's pollen season. Even though I was invited to several very fun events this week, like an After Work with the team I am working with, a UX pub hosted by my company and a monthly meeting with my company that included a cooking class, I skipped them all. This is not because I feel bad in any way, it's just to be a bit careful so I do not spend to much energy so I get into a bad mental state. It's important to take care of yourself both physically and mentally after all. Speaking of physical health I am continuing my LCHF experiment where I eat almost no carbs. So far I have lost 7 kilos in the past month and I feel pretty good on this diet. I am a bit sloppy with my water intake however so I have to take care of that. I am also going to hit the gym again after several years of inactivity so we'll see how that goes. All in all this week has been very good and I feel energized from all the fun things happening at work. Now I will relax a bit and then I look forward to next weeks adventures 🙂

JimiWikman

JimiWikman

Trying to find ways to share my knowledge

On this site the aim is to give the users value. To share my knowledge and to provide guidance and inspiration. It's a tricky thing because it's hard to really know what topics to start with. I would like to do series on how to work with Jira and Confluence, but it takes time and I am not sure it will be of use for anyone. Still, I need to do tutorials and guides anyway for many different reasons, so why not start here and see if people like it or not. Maybe I can use this community to see what people think is good and what is in need of improvements and see what comes of that? Maybe I'll do a series of articles and blog posts just to collect some basic information and then take it from there? What would you like to see in such a series?

JimiWikman

JimiWikman

Sick for weeks and time to think

These last 3 months or so have not exactly been the best months of my life and it's all due to several periods of sickness. While it's not really surprising that sickness sets in considering the fact that my son and wife both are in school so they get all the nice viruses flourishing there. I spend 15 hours a week in public transportation and 40 hours a week meeting new people almost on a daily basis, so no wonder we sometimes bring home unwanted guests. Normally this is manageable with a few periods every year when you are down. Usually around school start as that's when the viruses are a bit extra nasty. This period however it has not been manageable and I have had as many periods of sickness in 3 months as I normally have for a full year. This last month has been extra gruesome with the culmination now with 5 days of high fever from the flu. I have had high fever many times and 40+ in fever is not really uncommon for me. This time however it hurt. A lot. Going from being so cold that my skin shifted color to purple blue to so hot that I felt that my skin would melt away was more intense than usual, even if my fever was not really that high. The combination with my lower back, that i have issues with, starting to ache like a madman and as a result a headache that borderline migraine made this fever trip very unpleasant. The good thing about being curled up on a fetus position with a mind ravaged by fever and pain is that you have pretty much nothing else to do than think. About life in general and your own position in particular. There are a lot of things that comes to the surface so you can process it and for the past 5 days I have come to realize many things about myself that I now need to work on. First and foremost I need to break this trend of getting sick, so I need to seriously buff my immune system. I have already cut back on activities that steal energy, but I need to build up activities that also give energy as I am missing that a bit. So far I have been a bit reluctant because these things also cost energy and i have felt that my reserves have been to low to proceed. It's time to realize that there is never any good time to get the ball rolling, but it has to be done. Food is very important and I have started a LCHF regiment that has worked amazing for me. I have lost 5 kg in just a few weeks with no loss of energy. In fact it has been quite the opposite. I started a regiment of adding vitamins and minerals as well, which also has improved my energy levels. I still need to work on my sleep cycles and water intake as I still fail in that regards. It's time to start measuring sleep again and activate my water app to keep me reminded to drink on a regular basis. I will book a health test to rule out any physical problems that might cause issues. This will give me a baseline for where I stand and then I can move forward from there. As I start to work out again I will put a strain on my immune system so short term I expect some impact on my health. Long term it will improve health so that is what matters. I will continue with my LCHF regiment and of course ensure I get the vitamins and minerals I need to stay healthy. Once my health is back on track, then I can proceed with the other aspects of life that need a change.

JimiWikman

JimiWikman

Today is my birthday and I feel old, but in a good way

Today is 43 years since I arrived in this world and for some reason I feel old. Not in the negative sense that life is passing me by and my life soon is over, quite the opposite. I feel old in the sense that I have done mistakes and that has given me experience and for some reason people start to look to me for advice in life. In years I am not very old. 43 is hardly a number defined as being old and I have a long way to travel before my natural life span is over. I have done a lot in my 43 years however and unlike many people that by that age are experts in their fields with 20+ years experience, I still consider myself a student of life. I have tested myself in many ways and I have been close to the flickering lights of the other side a few times already. I have been reckless and paid for it in pain and bodily harm. I have fought injustice, real and imaginary to the cost of my job. I have been foolish and narrow minded and I have made many, many mistakes. These are scars I carry on my body and in my heart. Reminders of lessons learned. I decided a long time ago that the only way to become a better person is to understand the world around me better. I decided that I can live my life with fear in my heart or let it go to make room for something else. I decided that instead of frown at things that was different I should be curious and learn as much as I could about it. For a year after my brothers death I said yes to everything, regardless of how much it scared me. This experience had a huge impact on my life today. Today I can look back and see that there was so much I could have done differently. How late in life I realized what I was actually good at and enjoyed doing. But if I had I would not be the man I am today. I would not have the experiences I have had and even if I could have reached this point in life sooner, I am not sure that would have been a good thing. Sometimes the journey is what makes the destination to what it is. At 43 I am a bit puzzled that I have people coming to me for advice, both in their personal life and professional life. I am not a wise man and I am no expert in any field, but I am experienced in many fields so perhaps it's that. For a long time it felt that being so diverse in what I do was a big disadvantage as I did not have true expertise in any of the areas I worked in. I am a decent designer, I have written code since 1996 and I have quite a lot of knowledge and experience about conversion optimization and Neurowebdesign. I am certified in requirements and I have 3 years experience as a tester. I have certifications in Cisco networks and I run my own very small hosting business. Still, I know many that are better than me in all of these areas. One thing I have learned is that when you are at my level where you do E-commerce projects on enterprise levels as a team- or project leader you always have the best people in each field in your team. They do not need you to be an expert as well, but they need you to understand what they do so you can lead them properly. For a long time I thought being stretched thin covering all these areas made me a less attractive person on the market. Today I realize that because of this broad spectrum I am actually the opposite. It's not often I meet others that can do what I do where I can talk the talk with pretty much anyone in a project on any level and sometimes I can even surpass their capabilities and teach them a thing or two. In the past 2 years I have noticed that because of this broad spectrum of work and life experiences people have started to come to me for advice. It can be workplace related, life related or even career related. Not only is this something I consider very flattering, but I also take it very serious as my advice could have an impact on a persons life and career. At 43 today I realize that I have already accomplished a lot in this world, hopefully to the better. I also realize how much there is still to learn and explore. My greatest discovery in life so far is that it is ok to fail and that it is ok to let go and just dive into whatever comes. Fear no longer control me because I have learned that it is a prison of my own making. I still struggle with permitting myself to be great as I find that to be boastful and disrespectful. I know what it is like to be a the very bottom of the darkest hole and I would never be able to consider my own worth be greater than those that still are trapped there. Perhaps though I need to consider that I can still be a light that show them a path out from that pit of despair. Perhaps I need to consider the words of Marianne Williamson: At 43 I am still but a student of life and I look forward to the coming years where I will fail and fall. In doing so I will also learn and hopefully become a better person. Perhaps I can someday allow myself to shine so others feel secure enough to let their own light grow and hopefully surpass my own. Only time will tell where my journey will take me next, but I am going to enjoy the ride no matter where it takes me. Today I am 43.

JimiWikman

JimiWikman

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   0 Members, 0 Anonymous, 6 Guests (See full list)

    There are no registered users currently online

here
×